Yesterday, the realization hit me. Mother’s arms and legs were puffy and weeping. Her legs were covered with a soft blue boot with velcro to prevent pressure ulcers. Both wrists were in restraints. The left forearm had a large bruise from multiple needle sticks. A glazed look almost permanently fell over Mom’s eyes. She was now on 75 mcg of fentanyl for sedation. Mom could interact but it only lasted a few minutes before she dozed off. Mom was going to die.
I had been in the ICU for 72 hours straight. If I left the hospital I would never be allowed to re-enter to see Mom.
It had been 20 days on the ventilator. The first week Mom made significant progress. They were rapidly weaning her oxygen. Mom was starting to get bossy barking orders on what types of cookies she wanted for the nurses via texts to Deborah. The old Mom was coming back. The physicians even talked about successfully removing her breathing tube the same week.
Then she took a turn for the worst in the second week. In the third week she does failed to improve. Sometimes she progressed but the overall picture was looking grimmer and grimmer with each passing day.
The doctor says it takes two weeks for lung fibrosis to set in. Almost three weeks had passed. They told us Mom would likely not come off the ventilator and warned a long, painful recovery. In the last few days the doctors had started steroids and switched to an aggressive vent setting called APRV. Normally a person spends one second breathing in and two seconds breathing out. This vent setting reverses the ratio and puts Mom in inspiration for 4 seconds and 1 second in expiration. It’s as uncomfortable as it sounds. So we made a difficult decision.
Today our family made mother DNR or Do Not Resuscitate. If her heart stops beating, the doctors will not do chest compressions or shock her heart. Furthermore, we decided to no longer escalate care. If her blood pressure drops, they will not start pressors. If her kidneys fail, they will not do dialysis. We are continuing her current therapy.
What happened? Did I not have enough faith? Did not enough people pray? Was this because Mom sinned? Did God still love us?
Then a story from John 12:1-8 came to mind. In this story, Jesus is surrounded by his disciples, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Mary washes the feet of Jesus with expensive perfume and wipes it with her hair. When she comes under criticism, Jesus defends her.
“Leave her alone, Jesus replied. It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial.” John 12:7.
In a single story you have Martha who represented a prayer resulting in healing (the resurrection of Lazarus) and Mary who represented a prayer resulting in death (the death of Jesus). As believers we pray and believe in healing like Martha. But we also need to pray like Mary and prepare for death. The death of Jesus took the disciples by surprise. Mary was ready for the moment.
We’re saying good-bye to Mom. Dad is by the bedside now. No one else is allowed in. If Dad leaves the hospital he can never return as per hospital policy.
Mom is dying. It doesn’t have to catch us by surprise. We’re preparing.
10 Comments
Prayers and love. We are here thinking and praying for a painless transition. Thank you for the updates
Andrew, love and prayers for you and your family. Jesus is coming very soon to put an end to all this misery and heartache. Hugs to you.
God is beside her!🙏🏻 Our prayers continue! 🙏🏻
All on Gods timing.always thinking about your family.be strong that’s my friend Nida. I will always remember her laugh,Blessings to the family.
Your mother has fought a good fight. I pray she will find rest. May your family be comforted in the hope of the 2nd coming when we can see our loved ones again.
Praying for comfort to the family. As painful as it maybe we appreciate your updates regarding your mom. May our Heavenly Father give you comfort and strength to carry on. Your faith will see you through…
Andrew, your Mom and your family have been in the forefront of my mind and heart these past several weeks. First of all, I want to express my admiration for your mom and dad for their faith and the manner in which they raised their family. And also my admiration for you, David and Deborah in your relationship with your parents. You respected them and obeyed the wisdom endowed by their Creator and as a result, your family is a good role model as a family very blessed by Almighty Yahweh. While your dad was the director and main provider your mother was the CEO and she was the one responsible for implementing “family policies and guidelines” and developing the talents you all inherited from them and more endowed from above. She worked hard and it was worth it resulting in children any parent would be proud to have. In turn, you can pass on the blessings to the next generation. Your mother Nida has lived an extraordinary life admired by people too numerous to count. While we continue to pray for a miracle, maybe she has already accomplished her life’s mission. She was so full of life and energy and I don’t know anyone who worked harder than she. For many, it would take two or three lifetimes to do what she had done. I will end with a quote from an unknown author, which you probably heard me say before, “Some think we are in the land of the living headed for the land of the dying, In reality, we are in the land of the dying headed from the land of the living.” That land is our eternal destiny. In the meantime, our prayers will continue. May Father Yahweh continue to bless and comfort you and your family and all of us.
Thank you for this quote, Uncle Louie. It will stay with me for years to come.
Prayers continue for Nida.
Deepest condolences to you and your family Andrew.
Your family is in my prayer.
Nida is in a better place where there will be no more pain to bear.