Outcomes in Prayer: Update on Mom

When a loved one is sick, what outcome should be pray for? The answer may seem obvious. We pray for healing, for recovery, for cure. However, it seems to me there’s a more important outcome than merely extension of life.

But first an update on Mom.

Mom had tough time last night and today. Last night her blood pressure dropped requiring a central line and medicines to keep her blood pressure stable. T wave inversions on EKG and troponin leak gave evidence of heart strain.

Worst of all her chest x-ray has worsened this morning. Both her lungs were almost completed whited out on x-ray prompting the attending physician to recommend intubation. It wasn’t a crash emergency like the ones you see on TV. Rather, the doctors wanted to preemptively act so the procedure could be done in a controlled environment. The second COVID-19 test came back negative. Due to clinical worsening, she needed a bronchoscopy where they would go deep into the lungs to retrieve a sample for testing. COVID-19 is still high on the list of possibilities though there may be other causes.

Chest X-Ray On Admission. The attending let me see via FaceTime.

Chest X-Ray Today

Throughout all this, Mom remained remarkably cognizant. She was conversant with the attending physician and even joked with her. It was comforting to know that the essence of Mom – her sense of humor – was still intact during this time of respiratory distress. It was discomforting to know that multiple physicians report this same kind of phenomenon with COVID-19  – patients with terrible chest x-rays requiring plenty of oxygen who are still mentally intact.

At 11:00 am EST, before intubation, I got the family on FaceTime to communicate with Mom. This would give Mom a chance to communicate with us before being heavily sedated with a tube down her throat. It would be the last time we could enjoy a two way communication for now. During intubation, we could still communicate with her but she would not be able to respond.

With the nurse’s assistance, we saw Mom on FaceTime and she saw us. We saw the shape of her head as the chemo had now resulted in the loss of all her hair. A thick tube wrapped around her face going into her nose. She panted between sentences. Coughing made it difficult to finish conversations.

Each person in the family had a chance to see Mom and tell her how much they loved her. She received the encouragement and words of affirmation.

What do you say to someone you love knowing it might be the last conversation you have with them? Should I tell her with all my heart and emotion how much I love her? Do I tell her how thankful I am for turning me into the man I am today? Do I tell her sorry for hurtful words or actions of the past?

I didn’t need to do any of those things. Every day for the last 12 months I had been calling Mom to talk with her and then to pray with her. My relationship with her was secure. She knew I loved her. She knew how grateful I was. She knew there were no unforgiven emotions. I could focus on the moment and what the moment called for.

I kept the conversation short. A long conversation would zap the little reserve she already had. Getting emotional puts her into a coughing fit. I told her I loved her. I told her how strong her faith had grown over the last few months. And even now, when it mattered the most, she continued to trust in the Great Physician who would take care of her no matter what the outcome. Everything would turn out alright. She would be okay. She cried. She coughed. She told me she loved me.

I wanted the words to calm her and bring her peace. Inside, I was terrified. I didn’t know what was going to happen after intubation. In fact, the clinical signs weren’t promising. But I spoke the words in faith knowing that a Power beyond me was letting me speak comfort to Mom.

The one thing she asked us to pray for was strength – strength to continue to fight, strength to continue to believe, strength to keep going.

What is the outcome we should pray for that is even more important than healing? Faith.

Illness, death and COVID-19 may take my mom’s body, but it can’t touch her faith. And if her faith remains intact, her body will one day be restored. If not here on earth, then for eternity.

So keep praying for Mom. I know many of you are and I have personally felt strength through this crisis. Pray for her healing. Pray for her strength. Pray for her faith. It’s the most important outcome.