How Many Kids Should You Have?

How many kids should you have? I’ve heard a number of responses to this question. 

Enough to make a string quartet. 

Enough to make a basketball team. 

Enough to make a baseball team. 

Clearly these sentiments are aspirational. Imagine putting an entire baseball team through college. On the other hand, I’ve heard answers expressing the limited resources of life. 

As many as you can afford (This was my Dad’s reason for stopping at three). 

As many as can fit in a minivan. I knew someone with 7 kids under the age of 16. Whenever they traveled they rented a 15 passenger van. They never flew as a family. That’s a bit much.  

As many as you can give adequate attention. A friend of mine told me of a single mom with five kids she knew at church. She told me how affectionate her children were. But it wasn’t a good thing. It was as if the level of attention these kids were giving was a sign of the love they lacked at home. 

My wife and I love kids. In fact, we’ve had 3 kids in 4 years. We probably would have had more if it weren’t for the fact that all three had to be C-Sections. But while each child brings joy, he or she also bring a weight of responsibility. That means buying another car seat. It means putting one more kid through college. 

Furthermore, pregnancy is not a benign condition. Women can get severely injured and even die from complications of pregnancy. These risks increase in particular for women who wait until later to have children. For example, one of my cousins had to deal with blood pressure of 240/130. She went into hypertensive crisis and now has to be on medicines following delivery of her baby. More to the point, one of my classmate’s wife died from complications of pregnancy. 

Perhaps this is why we struggled as to whether or not to have a third child. With each pregnancy, we were risking the life of the mother and potentially impacting the future of the children we already had. We already had two children, a boy and a girl. Was it selfish to want another one? 

In the end we decided to go for it. One child brought us joy. But two children introduced a new dimension of interaction – two siblings who could hug each other and hit each other all in the same day. We could only imagine what three children would do. 

On November 30, 2021 at 12:18am, Nadia Cecile Roquiz was born at 6 lb 15 oz and 19 and 3/4 inches with Apgars at 8 and 9. Nadia was inspired by the name of my late mother Nida. Cecile was inspired by the name of my mother-in-law Dulce. Our daughter was born 18 minutes after Dulce’s birthday so we took the last two letters of her name. 

Melanie and I thought our first two babies were cute. We weren’t so sure about this one. She had a predominate nose and and a reddish orange complexion. She was our “ugly duckling” so I affectionately called her “Pato” which means duck. The nickname caught on. 

Some may think this as harsh but it’s just the truth. Our newborns – all born by C-Section – tend to have swelling which in most cases would be relieved with vaginal delivery. The extra fluid tends to distort facial features. Furthermore, Nadia had to go under blue light for 12 hours given her in bilirubin problem. The elevated bilirubin gives the skin a strange hue called jaundice. This can take weeks to ultimately clear. 

And yet I’m reminded how fast newborns change. Each day that goes by her jaundice and swelling improve and she becomes cuter. In fact, Melanie and my father in law set up a new born photoshoot recently. As I stared at her photo I could hardly recognize my daughter. She was beautiful. “She looks less Pato today,” I joked with my wife. 

Back in the hospital the day after Nadia was born Melanie and I shared a moment. She breathed a sigh of relief. She had prayed long and hard whether or not to have a third child even in her “advanced maternal age.” Her pregnancy and delivery had no unexpected complications. I looked into her eyes and said, “You did it, babe.” This last child would close a chapter in our lives. With tears in her eyes she said, “I am just so grateful to God.” I smiled. I was grateful, too.